Tone Alone- yes, our tone of voice matters!
TONE ALONE-Yes, I am talking about our tone of voice. Not the words, just how they sound. Simply, tone alone.
Our one month challenge: Let’s work towards choosing our tone.
Before you respond to someone, see if you can pause and then make an effort to adjust your tone to reflect the outcome you want. Just start with finding one opportunity a day to try it out. This is not easy! No, I do not want you to change the words you had planned to respond with. The only thing you are to focus on is your tone, nothing more. Your tone alone 🙃
Why would I bring up this topic on an ADHD blog? Because symptoms of emotional dysregulation are a core component of ADHD and our tone of voice impacts both how WE FEEL, and our RELATIONSHIPS with OTHERS; I would argue, significantly so. I say this because I have been doing an experiment of sorts for the last couple years on noticing the effect my tone of voice, both good 😃 and not always so good 😝, has had on my daily interactions. Spoiler alert, tone alone makes a big difference.
When beginning you will not be perfect, in fact, no one will ever be perfect, we are humans after all. But I think, you will notice a big difference in your interactions with others if you work on it consistently for the entire month. I think many of you will find the results quite fascinating! Respond with a smile or simply a tone that is kind and take note of how you, yourself, feel afterwards.
Why did I choose December? Because this is a time of year where it is very normal for emotions to become escalated. When our emotions are high there are more chances to practice our “tone alone” skills.
Opportunities for practice 🙂
Speaking with a customer service representative after being on hold for a while
At the check out after waiting in a long line at a retail store
With your family members when trying get somewhere on time
With your pet as they keep seeking attention when you are busy
With relatives that you are hosting over the holidays
When you are just plain old done “peopling” but still at a party
When interacting with others whose emotions have become dysregulated
and many, many more opportunities that you might notice 😄
Life is demanding, so we get into habitual ways of being. If your tone reflects who you want to be in this world, that is great! But, more often than not, when life becomes overwhelming and unbalanced, we can end up falling into behaviour patterns that we may prefer not to be in. We might say something impulsively, burst out in anger, be self-righteous, and find ourselves slipping into immature ways of being that are not what we want.
This December let’s take the opportunity to check in with ourselves in just one very specific area (voice tone) and then take note of what happens over the span of one month. When interacting with people try taking “a pause”, then deliberately choose your tone alone (nothing else), and finally, respond accordingly.
NOTICE- your automatic emotions/feelings/thoughts
PAUSE- think about the impact the tone in which you respond might have
RESPOND- in the tone that aligns with the values you hold yourself true to
The truth is, being emotionally mature can be challenging and exasperating at times. Adulting is hard. Regulating our emotions is not easy work. But, you know what makes things easier?
You guessed it…practice! And, my hunch is that over the month of December you will have lots and lots of opportunities to become more skilled.
You’ve got this! Start small, look for just one opportunity each day. Try it out. Even if you simply notice, but can’t change your automatic tone, it is still progress in the right direction. We all get sleep deprived sometimes (it is actually used as a form of torture!), our hormones fluctuate (they can wreck havoc!), unpredictable (and sometimes permanent) life stressors pop up, so, be gentle on yourself 💛 Just move towards using the tone that reflects who you know yourself to be, and little by little you will get there. The point of this exercise is, not to berate ourselves, but instead, to check in with ourselves to see if we are living in line with our values, and, if not, we make adjustments.
At our upcoming FREE adhd SOCIAL HUB support groups this month I want you to report back on how this challenge is going for you. I am curious to know! Yes, I will ask :) I think you might be quite surprised by how much, when chosen purposefully, the tone in which you respond impacts your interactions. Tone alone communicates a lot.
Our next free online support groups will be on:
Tuesday December 16th 7:30pm-9pm
&
Sunday Dec. 28th 7:30pm-9pm
*I open the “room” at 7:15pm for those who have questions for me or want to have some time to socialize with other participants they may have met in past groups before. We begin our groups at 7:30pm.
We will talk about all things emotional regulation during stressful times and anything other topics people want to discuss.
A reminder, our free online support groups have a maximum size of 15 so book early if you want a spot. Our group last month was full 😃 The adhd SOCIAL HUB is growing! Thank you for your continued support 🙏
